Happy Saturday. I got bored of chronicling my eats on a daily basis. Protein shakes, bars, pudding, coffee? It's mostly the same stuff every day, except when I'm off the leash.
Thursday night I had a bit of a setback - on top of all the usuals, I had a couple of shortbread jelly cookies from Whole Foods (eh, good but too sweet), garlic knots (I ate them all, damn the husband for bringing them into the house), a few bites of a slice of pizza (see above) and a two-pack of White Castle burgers (microwaved from frozen - meh). It wasn't a terrible binge, seriously, so I got back on the horse Friday.
Until:
We ran into a fair! I've never actually been to a county fair, so I had to try all the deliciously white trash, deep-fried goodies. Come on, at least once! We ordered deep-fried oreos (they were okay), a twinkie (not my thing) and a Snickers bar (that one was okay, too sweet). I had two oreos and a few bites each of the other two. I'm glad I got it out of my system; now I know I'm not a huge fan of deep-fried sweets. Live and learn!
After the deep-fried extravaganza, we ordered clam strips and fries (of which I had two strips and a few fries) and a Polish sausage w/ onions and peppers (I ate approximately half). After running around and getting on rides/playing games, it started raining and got very windy, so we bought a caramel apple (mine) and a bag of cotton candy (his-I took a taste) and high-tailed it home.
The verdict? At least I ate a damn apple last night. :)
They had a Native American food booth - and they had FRY BREAD. I've only had it once before, in New Mexico over two years ago, and have been fantasizing about it ever since. It's kind of the consistency of a Chalupa - very light and crispy. They make it into a taco (which my friend ordered and loved) or you can have it plain, drizzled with a bit of honey and cinnamon, which is how I had ordered it. It is wonderful. I vowed to get fry bread before we left the fair last night, but didn't get a chance to since we hauled out of there pretty abruptly due to the weather. If there would have been one thing on that midway to be worth breaking my diet for, that would be it. Le sigh!
Back on the horse (AGAIN) this morning: about to have my fantastic breakfast protein shake (Jay Robb vanilla whey protein/mixed frozen berries/flax/non-fat Kefir/unsweetened almond milk/cinnamon/bit of coconut oil= a little over 300 cal/30g protein).
According to the devil scale: today's morning weight is 174.8.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
4/2/2012:
Today wasn't a bad day:
181-point-something this morning according to my devil scale...
- Protein shake for breakfast: Strawberry Chike/water/ice/frozen blueberries/flax (~270c/28g protein)
- Black coffee
- Venti iced Americano, no water/sugar free vanilla/whole milk from Starbucks (IDK, 100c?)
- SlimFast Low Carb vanilla shake (190c/20g protein)
- Protein shake for dinner: Vanilla Designer Whey/coconut milk/frozen mango/frozen strawberries/flax (330c/20g protein)
- NSA rice pudding cup w/ cinnamon (160c/8g protein)
- Nature Valley Protein bar (190c/10g protein)
- water, water, water!
181-point-something this morning according to my devil scale...
- Protein shake for breakfast: Strawberry Chike/water/ice/frozen blueberries/flax (~270c/28g protein)
- Black coffee
- Venti iced Americano, no water/sugar free vanilla/whole milk from Starbucks (IDK, 100c?)
- SlimFast Low Carb vanilla shake (190c/20g protein)
- Protein shake for dinner: Vanilla Designer Whey/coconut milk/frozen mango/frozen strawberries/flax (330c/20g protein)
- NSA rice pudding cup w/ cinnamon (160c/8g protein)
- Nature Valley Protein bar (190c/10g protein)
- water, water, water!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April 1, 2012:
What went in my belly today:
- Protein smoothie made with one scoop vanilla "Designer" whey protein powder, one tablespoon of flax, one cup of unsweetened coconut milk, a little bit of frozen mango and blueberries (~19 grams protein, approx. 290 calories)
- Protein smoothie with one packet of strawberry "Chike" protein powder, one tablespoon of flax, water, ice cubes, five frozen strawberries (~29 g protein, ~270 calories)
- three hush puppies, leftover from yesterday's catfish dinner (yum)
- 1/2 size BLT Cobb salad from Wendy's (~23 g protein, 340 calories)
- a Cadbury egg
- water to drink (surprisingly, no coffee today!)
The Cadbury egg was a consolation prize; I literally went to 10 different stores tonight in search of my favorite no sugar added rice pudding (Reynaldo's - 160 calories for a nice 8oz cup). This stuff is CRACK, but I cannot find it anywhere anymore. I finally found one store, but they only had three left. I'm saving them for weeknights, so settled for a Cadbury egg instead.
I think I need to find a reliably good "healthy" rice pudding recipe to try. I'm just so damn picky about rice pudding; I fear I'd waste quite a bit before finding a recipe to keep. Hm.
- Protein smoothie made with one scoop vanilla "Designer" whey protein powder, one tablespoon of flax, one cup of unsweetened coconut milk, a little bit of frozen mango and blueberries (~19 grams protein, approx. 290 calories)
- Protein smoothie with one packet of strawberry "Chike" protein powder, one tablespoon of flax, water, ice cubes, five frozen strawberries (~29 g protein, ~270 calories)
- three hush puppies, leftover from yesterday's catfish dinner (yum)
- 1/2 size BLT Cobb salad from Wendy's (~23 g protein, 340 calories)
- a Cadbury egg
- water to drink (surprisingly, no coffee today!)
The Cadbury egg was a consolation prize; I literally went to 10 different stores tonight in search of my favorite no sugar added rice pudding (Reynaldo's - 160 calories for a nice 8oz cup). This stuff is CRACK, but I cannot find it anywhere anymore. I finally found one store, but they only had three left. I'm saving them for weeknights, so settled for a Cadbury egg instead.
I think I need to find a reliably good "healthy" rice pudding recipe to try. I'm just so damn picky about rice pudding; I fear I'd waste quite a bit before finding a recipe to keep. Hm.
Update
Wow, it has been a long time!
I had been able to maintain an average weight of around 165-166 for a good while. I couldn't stay much lower than that, though I did hit my magic, non-overweight BMI weight of 159 (yeah, for like one day!)...
I went back to New York for Thanksgiving in 2010 and understandably gained to the tune of 172-ish. I got home and back to reality, losing the weight again pretty quickly.
Then? I don't know what happened. Well, actually, do. I let myself off the leash, which I now realize is not smart, ever. To all the people who think surgical weight loss patients are "taking the easy way out", think again. This has not been easy, anything but, and I find that I will have to "diet" in some form for the rest of my life if I want to be a healthy weight. You cannot just go get surgery and expect to eat whatever the hell you want. Believe me, I wish it worked that way, but life isn't fair, is it?
I crept back up to around 187 by November 2011. Since then, I've been trying (albeit not too hard) to reign my eating in. I'm down to about 181 as of today, and hoping to at least get back to 165 or so as soon as possible.
It's funny, when I was 165, I still felt so fat. I was bitter that I couldn't seem to get any lower. Now, at 181, I realize 165 is a hell of a lot better than this! Most of my newer clothes don't look good (or just don't fit) anymore and most of my rings are too tight now. It sucks, hardcore. But at least I'm trying again, which is more than I had been doing.
The surgery is a distant memory. I don't really have much in the way of restriction and I do get hungry (mentally and physically). Some of my physical hunger can be attributed to fluctuating blood sugar levels, so I'm hoping that gets better once I get a handle on it.
I'm reincorporating protein shakes (other than low-carb Slimfast, which has been a staple) and trying to eat a more balanced, natural diet. Will I slip up and order pizza one night? I wouldn't be me if I didn't, but I need to get this back under control while I still can. I'm not a kid anymore; this just gets harder as you age, not easier.
I need to try to start exercising, but it is very difficult for me to find a) the time and b) the energy/motivation. I "know" that every little bit counts and I can start by walking around the block during my smoke breaks or something. But I'll be damned if I have the gumption to do any of that. I do recall that for the one month I was "working out" at the gym (aka walking on the treadmill while reading my Kindle for an hour) I felt pretty good...
Maybe I will rejoin the gym near my house. I moved a few months ago (just bought a new condo) and there is a HUGE athletic club not too far away. Perhaps I need something that's not month to month; if I am locked in and can't just quit, maybe I'll actually go for longer than a month.
EH, we'll see. It's Sunday; my cardio for the day is cleaning.
I had been able to maintain an average weight of around 165-166 for a good while. I couldn't stay much lower than that, though I did hit my magic, non-overweight BMI weight of 159 (yeah, for like one day!)...
I went back to New York for Thanksgiving in 2010 and understandably gained to the tune of 172-ish. I got home and back to reality, losing the weight again pretty quickly.
Then? I don't know what happened. Well, actually, do. I let myself off the leash, which I now realize is not smart, ever. To all the people who think surgical weight loss patients are "taking the easy way out", think again. This has not been easy, anything but, and I find that I will have to "diet" in some form for the rest of my life if I want to be a healthy weight. You cannot just go get surgery and expect to eat whatever the hell you want. Believe me, I wish it worked that way, but life isn't fair, is it?
I crept back up to around 187 by November 2011. Since then, I've been trying (albeit not too hard) to reign my eating in. I'm down to about 181 as of today, and hoping to at least get back to 165 or so as soon as possible.
It's funny, when I was 165, I still felt so fat. I was bitter that I couldn't seem to get any lower. Now, at 181, I realize 165 is a hell of a lot better than this! Most of my newer clothes don't look good (or just don't fit) anymore and most of my rings are too tight now. It sucks, hardcore. But at least I'm trying again, which is more than I had been doing.
The surgery is a distant memory. I don't really have much in the way of restriction and I do get hungry (mentally and physically). Some of my physical hunger can be attributed to fluctuating blood sugar levels, so I'm hoping that gets better once I get a handle on it.
I'm reincorporating protein shakes (other than low-carb Slimfast, which has been a staple) and trying to eat a more balanced, natural diet. Will I slip up and order pizza one night? I wouldn't be me if I didn't, but I need to get this back under control while I still can. I'm not a kid anymore; this just gets harder as you age, not easier.
I need to try to start exercising, but it is very difficult for me to find a) the time and b) the energy/motivation. I "know" that every little bit counts and I can start by walking around the block during my smoke breaks or something. But I'll be damned if I have the gumption to do any of that. I do recall that for the one month I was "working out" at the gym (aka walking on the treadmill while reading my Kindle for an hour) I felt pretty good...
Maybe I will rejoin the gym near my house. I moved a few months ago (just bought a new condo) and there is a HUGE athletic club not too far away. Perhaps I need something that's not month to month; if I am locked in and can't just quit, maybe I'll actually go for longer than a month.
EH, we'll see. It's Sunday; my cardio for the day is cleaning.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Back for an Update
Hello all (or no one, depending on who actually reads any of this). I've decided to at least update, since it's been over two months.
Things have been going alright. I stalled right around 175-ish and hadn't moved a pound in either direction since my last post. I eventually decided to give my "tool" a chance to do its thing and get back on track.
Let me tell you, it is *not* easy. Quite frankly, I feel exactly as though I am on another in a long line of failed diets. Back to counting calories. You know, because that works so well! I can maintain a reasonable level of calorie intake during the week, when I am preoccupied by work (reasonable=under 1500 calories per day). The weekends are tough. My weightloss has been kinda rocky these past couple of months because I tend to gain back a great deal of what I lose during the week over the weekend!
I lack self control. I understand that about myself. Like many of us, I struggle with a mental need (or desire) to eat far past the point of what is prudent. I am human and I want to enjoy what I put in my mouth (yeah, okay, insert dirty joke here). As i have mentioned a million times, I have severe insulin resistance which makes it that much harder for me to control my appetite.
That said, I've been maintaining a weight of 167-ish. I am proud of every one of those 8 or so pounds I've struggled to lose over the past 2.5 months. I know I can do better than this, I just need to get food out of my head. I truly do not need much of it at all. I am rarely physically hungry. It's 90% in my head! As the surgeons tell us, they can only operate on our stomachs, not our brains (which is a damn shame).
So I'm about halfway to my final goal weight and less than 10 pounds away from a "normal" BMI. I do need to get my flabby butt to the gym, ASAP; I've lost over 30 pounds and still feel the same as I did when I was 200. I'm in the worst shape of my life. Living in Las Vegas has a huge downfall--you simply don't walk anywhere. When I lived in NYC, even after I bought a car, I still got around on foot and via subways due to the convenience. I can't wear any of my rings because they are all falling off my fingers, but I have flab on my inner thighs that I never had in my life. I was in better shape at 200 than I am at 167 and it's stupid. My husband now weighs 25 pounds more than me and still looks better (and I'm at least an inch taller!) than I do. Between working towards an MBA, a full-time, high stress career and trying to lose this extra weight, I'm feeling a bit taxed. I think I might shelf the graduate degree for now. I just don't have the time to devote to such a disgustingly math-y degree program at this point. Something's got to give, and it's not going to be my job (hello? I'd like to continue owning my home that I'm upside-down on) or my dietary/fitness goals. Not when I've invested this much time and money.
So to motivate myself, I've ordered a new iPod Nano. It has a built-in pedometer and is a tiny, clip on model with a touch screen. It should be arriving on Wednesday. After work, I'm joining the gym down the block (walking distance!), no more procrastinating. One thing I haven't been having an issue with is protein intake; I just need to kick my body into gear. I'm ready for it (I hope).
I'll end on that note. I expect to be back in the blogosphere once I hit 159 (aka normal BMI town).
Things have been going alright. I stalled right around 175-ish and hadn't moved a pound in either direction since my last post. I eventually decided to give my "tool" a chance to do its thing and get back on track.
Let me tell you, it is *not* easy. Quite frankly, I feel exactly as though I am on another in a long line of failed diets. Back to counting calories. You know, because that works so well! I can maintain a reasonable level of calorie intake during the week, when I am preoccupied by work (reasonable=under 1500 calories per day). The weekends are tough. My weightloss has been kinda rocky these past couple of months because I tend to gain back a great deal of what I lose during the week over the weekend!
I lack self control. I understand that about myself. Like many of us, I struggle with a mental need (or desire) to eat far past the point of what is prudent. I am human and I want to enjoy what I put in my mouth (yeah, okay, insert dirty joke here). As i have mentioned a million times, I have severe insulin resistance which makes it that much harder for me to control my appetite.
That said, I've been maintaining a weight of 167-ish. I am proud of every one of those 8 or so pounds I've struggled to lose over the past 2.5 months. I know I can do better than this, I just need to get food out of my head. I truly do not need much of it at all. I am rarely physically hungry. It's 90% in my head! As the surgeons tell us, they can only operate on our stomachs, not our brains (which is a damn shame).
So I'm about halfway to my final goal weight and less than 10 pounds away from a "normal" BMI. I do need to get my flabby butt to the gym, ASAP; I've lost over 30 pounds and still feel the same as I did when I was 200. I'm in the worst shape of my life. Living in Las Vegas has a huge downfall--you simply don't walk anywhere. When I lived in NYC, even after I bought a car, I still got around on foot and via subways due to the convenience. I can't wear any of my rings because they are all falling off my fingers, but I have flab on my inner thighs that I never had in my life. I was in better shape at 200 than I am at 167 and it's stupid. My husband now weighs 25 pounds more than me and still looks better (and I'm at least an inch taller!) than I do. Between working towards an MBA, a full-time, high stress career and trying to lose this extra weight, I'm feeling a bit taxed. I think I might shelf the graduate degree for now. I just don't have the time to devote to such a disgustingly math-y degree program at this point. Something's got to give, and it's not going to be my job (hello? I'd like to continue owning my home that I'm upside-down on) or my dietary/fitness goals. Not when I've invested this much time and money.
So to motivate myself, I've ordered a new iPod Nano. It has a built-in pedometer and is a tiny, clip on model with a touch screen. It should be arriving on Wednesday. After work, I'm joining the gym down the block (walking distance!), no more procrastinating. One thing I haven't been having an issue with is protein intake; I just need to kick my body into gear. I'm ready for it (I hope).
I'll end on that note. I expect to be back in the blogosphere once I hit 159 (aka normal BMI town).
Friday, July 16, 2010
Oh, by the way, here is what I ate today:
Breakfast: Chike vanilla protein shake made with skim milk (300 calories or so)
Mid-morning snack: EAS protein bar (230 calories)
Lunch: DiGiornio frozen pepperoni pizza, 200 calorie portion (but I ate both, so 400 calories)
Afternoon snacks: snack bag of Sun Chips (140), sugar-free pudding cup (60) and two mini Milky Way bars (I don't know, maybe 100?)
Late-afternoon snacks: whole banana and peanut butter (at least 300 calories) and a Skinny Cow vanilla ice cream sandwich (140)
Dinner: potato skins with ground pork and melted cheese topped with plain Greek yogurt (430-ish).
After Dinner: another Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (140)
After-After Dinner: Wendy's spicy chicken Go Wrap and a small chili with shredded cheese (probably 600 or so)
My calcium and omega-3 chews totaled 50 calories. I skipped the iron today.
It has been, by far, my worst day since surgery, food wise. I just couldn't stop eating. It is awful. I am going to see how tomorrow pans out; the protein shake is filling, as are the potato skins and the Wendy's meal. I think the rest amounts to slider foods, so I will try to avoid those non-filling calorie traps. The sad thing is, this is still less than what I would have had before surgery.
Hey, at least I got a ton of protein in today. :-/
Breakfast: Chike vanilla protein shake made with skim milk (300 calories or so)
Mid-morning snack: EAS protein bar (230 calories)
Lunch: DiGiornio frozen pepperoni pizza, 200 calorie portion (but I ate both, so 400 calories)
Afternoon snacks: snack bag of Sun Chips (140), sugar-free pudding cup (60) and two mini Milky Way bars (I don't know, maybe 100?)
Late-afternoon snacks: whole banana and peanut butter (at least 300 calories) and a Skinny Cow vanilla ice cream sandwich (140)
Dinner: potato skins with ground pork and melted cheese topped with plain Greek yogurt (430-ish).
After Dinner: another Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (140)
After-After Dinner: Wendy's spicy chicken Go Wrap and a small chili with shredded cheese (probably 600 or so)
My calcium and omega-3 chews totaled 50 calories. I skipped the iron today.
It has been, by far, my worst day since surgery, food wise. I just couldn't stop eating. It is awful. I am going to see how tomorrow pans out; the protein shake is filling, as are the potato skins and the Wendy's meal. I think the rest amounts to slider foods, so I will try to avoid those non-filling calorie traps. The sad thing is, this is still less than what I would have had before surgery.
Hey, at least I got a ton of protein in today. :-/
Disappointed
It has a month plus a week or so since I had my surgery. I am down a net total of about 25 pounds (ten of those are from the pre-op diet). I am ravenously hungry all day long and can eat quite well (still not as "well" as I could beforehand), a lot more than I should be able to consume. 800 calories a day? Ha, not since I was on liquids. I probably did 2000 today, easily. I am hungry now, even. I don't know why I can eat so much. I have no restrictions, my sleeve hasn't met anything it won't tolerate. It isn't one of those cases of "oh, I *could* eat this, but I'd have to force it". No, when I say I can eat a lot, I mean I need to eat this much in order to stave off starvation. WTF?
Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have lost 25 pounds. That isn't easy, for anyone. But I don't expect to lose any more at this point. I just hope I don't gain any back.
I am so disappointed that I spent two months' salary for this. Money that I borrowed from my in-laws and will be paying back for the next couple of years, most likely.
Do I regret this surgery? Yes and no. Yes, because based on the experiences of hundreds of people far heavier than I was, I thought this would work. Yes, because I risked my life, more or less, to go to Mexico and have my insides cut open. Yes, because I wasted time and money that I will never get back. No, because hey, I did lose something. No, because (though I am out of test strips) my blood sugar levels have been decent. No, because I have been eating better and have become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth.
I would still recommend this surgery for anyone overweight and struggling. I realize that my experience is not typical. Most do quite well with this procedure. I guess my insulin resistance coupled with a large stomach to begin with doomed me from the start.
With all this said, I don't know if I will continue posting to this blog. If my situation changes or improves, I will update. But I'm not going to come here and just whine about my failure. There's no point. So see you on the flipside (maybe).
Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have lost 25 pounds. That isn't easy, for anyone. But I don't expect to lose any more at this point. I just hope I don't gain any back.
I am so disappointed that I spent two months' salary for this. Money that I borrowed from my in-laws and will be paying back for the next couple of years, most likely.
Do I regret this surgery? Yes and no. Yes, because based on the experiences of hundreds of people far heavier than I was, I thought this would work. Yes, because I risked my life, more or less, to go to Mexico and have my insides cut open. Yes, because I wasted time and money that I will never get back. No, because hey, I did lose something. No, because (though I am out of test strips) my blood sugar levels have been decent. No, because I have been eating better and have become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth.
I would still recommend this surgery for anyone overweight and struggling. I realize that my experience is not typical. Most do quite well with this procedure. I guess my insulin resistance coupled with a large stomach to begin with doomed me from the start.
With all this said, I don't know if I will continue posting to this blog. If my situation changes or improves, I will update. But I'm not going to come here and just whine about my failure. There's no point. So see you on the flipside (maybe).
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