Update

Wow, it has been a long time!

I had been able to maintain an average weight of around 165-166 for a good while. I couldn't stay much lower than that, though I did hit my magic, non-overweight BMI weight of 159 (yeah, for like one day!)...

I went back to New York for Thanksgiving in 2010 and understandably gained to the tune of 172-ish. I got home and back to reality, losing the weight again pretty quickly.

Then? I don't know what happened. Well, actually, do. I let myself off the leash, which I now realize is not smart, ever. To all the people who think surgical weight loss patients are "taking the easy way out", think again. This has not been easy, anything but, and I find that I will have to "diet" in some form for the rest of my life if I want to be a healthy weight. You cannot just go get surgery and expect to eat whatever the hell you want. Believe me, I wish it worked that way, but life isn't fair, is it?

I crept back up to around 187 by November 2011. Since then, I've been trying (albeit not too hard) to reign my eating in. I'm down to about 181 as of today, and hoping to at least get back to 165 or so as soon as possible.

It's funny, when I was 165, I still felt so fat. I was bitter that I couldn't seem to get any lower. Now, at 181, I realize 165 is a hell of a lot better than this! Most of my newer clothes don't look good (or just don't fit) anymore and most of my rings are too tight now. It sucks, hardcore. But at least I'm trying again, which is more than I had been doing.

The surgery is a distant memory. I don't really have much in the way of restriction and I do get hungry (mentally and physically). Some of my physical hunger can be attributed to fluctuating blood sugar levels, so I'm hoping that gets better once I get a handle on it.

I'm reincorporating protein shakes (other than low-carb Slimfast, which has been a staple) and trying to eat a more balanced, natural diet. Will I slip up and order pizza one night? I wouldn't be me if I didn't, but I need to get this back under control while I still can. I'm not a kid anymore; this just gets harder as you age, not easier.

I need to try to start exercising, but it is very difficult for me to find a) the time and b) the energy/motivation. I "know" that every little bit counts and I can start by walking around the block during my smoke breaks or something. But I'll be damned if I have the gumption to do any of that. I do recall that for the one month I was "working out" at the gym (aka walking on the treadmill while reading my Kindle for an hour) I felt pretty good...

Maybe I will rejoin the gym near my house. I moved a few months ago (just bought a new condo) and there is a HUGE athletic club not too far away. Perhaps I need something that's not month to month; if I am locked in and can't just quit, maybe I'll actually go for longer than a month.

EH, we'll see. It's Sunday; my cardio for the day is cleaning.