Disappointed

It has a month plus a week or so since I had my surgery. I am down a net total of about 25 pounds (ten of those are from the pre-op diet). I am ravenously hungry all day long and can eat quite well (still not as "well" as I could beforehand), a lot more than I should be able to consume. 800 calories a day? Ha, not since I was on liquids. I probably did 2000 today, easily. I am hungry now, even. I don't know why I can eat so much. I have no restrictions, my sleeve hasn't met anything it won't tolerate. It isn't one of those cases of "oh, I *could* eat this, but I'd have to force it". No, when I say I can eat a lot, I mean I need to eat this much in order to stave off starvation. WTF?

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have lost 25 pounds. That isn't easy, for anyone. But I don't expect to lose any more at this point. I just hope I don't gain any back.

I am so disappointed that I spent two months' salary for this. Money that I borrowed from my in-laws and will be paying back for the next couple of years, most likely.

Do I regret this surgery? Yes and no. Yes, because based on the experiences of hundreds of people far heavier than I was, I thought this would work. Yes, because I risked my life, more or less, to go to Mexico and have my insides cut open. Yes, because I wasted time and money that I will never get back. No, because hey, I did lose something. No, because (though I am out of test strips) my blood sugar levels have been decent. No, because I have been eating better and have become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth.

I would still recommend this surgery for anyone overweight and struggling. I realize that my experience is not typical. Most do quite well with this procedure. I guess my insulin resistance coupled with a large stomach to begin with doomed me from the start.

With all this said, I don't know if I will continue posting to this blog. If my situation changes or improves, I will update. But I'm not going to come here and just whine about my failure. There's no point. So see you on the flipside (maybe).