Withdrawal!

Ugh, I ran out of my beloved Chike protein powder. I've since placed an enormous order with my 25% off coupon, but it won't be here until some time Tuesday. I've been doing my best to choke down low carb Slimfast and other semi-rancid proteins. Most of what I have around my house, from my pre-op days, is utter crap. Low quality (ie the $18 garbage from Walmart that I used in frozen smoothies) or just plain rank (ie chocolate Isagenix or the plain GNC powder).

I'm finding that I am not really a fan of Greek yogurt either. The plain is alright, mixed in with tomato soup, but the flavored versions I've tried on their own just taste gross to me. I guess I was never a huge yogurt person to begin with. I will continue to use the plain in place of sour cream, but I will have to stick to regular yogurts (or none at all!) for snacking.

So now my full liquid diet isn't much fun anymore. I miss my Chike; why does shipping have to be sooo slow?

I also went on Amazon and ordered a tub of Click mocha espresso protein powder. There were a few negative reviews, but I rarely hear anything bad about that protein as far as taste/consistency. It was reasonably priced with the subscription (and free shipping), so I'm giving it a shot. If I don't like it it, I'll just cancel the subscription. I am (was) a major Starbucks freak, so hopefully this will tame my addiction, which I have not satisfied in like a month.

So I had a "moment" last night. I was starving (relatively speaking) when I got home from work last night. My loving husband had brought home a pizza from my favorite Vegas spot! Let me tell you, having spent the first 28 years of my life growing up in New York City, I am a major pizza snob! This one pizza joint out here--one out of the zillions I tried and threw out--is the only place that has the equivalent of decent NY pizza. It was one of my favorite indulgences pre-op.

So the husband brings home this pizza. By the time I got home, it was cold and mostly eaten. And at least it wasn't pepperoni and mushroom, my drug of choice. Then I would have had to kill him. It was grilled chicken and mushroom, which is not normally something I'd get on my pie. But it looked really friggin' good! So I did what any rational person would do-- I ate a slice. And before you freak out, let me say that by "eat a slice" I actually mean "shamefully chewed each bite and spit it out into the sink without swallowing". It isn't something I'd want to do again. How horrible is it to have that wonderful taste in your mouth and get no satisfaction from it? I know that someday I will be able to eat pizza again, even if it is only one slice (or half a slice, even). I will wait; it would have been just too damn easy to swallow one of those bites and destroy my insides!

I am really jonesing though. I've been having all kinds of food dreams lately. Really mundane stuff, like I had a vivid dream about eating buttered toast with an over-easy fried egg. Yummy. My hunger is definitely returning, with a vengeance. Don't get me wrong, it is nothing compared to my pre-op hunger, but it is still a bitch. The liquids just don't do it for me anymore and I can get in a lot of them. It will be great to start eating dense foods, not liquids or mush. Something that can fill me up and actually tastes good. I'll be good though and wait until I'm allowed to eat those things. It is a slippery slope, especially for someone like me who can down a 48oz porterhouse and ask for dessert (that really happened, and I had appetizers, soup and salad too).