Oh, by the way, here is what I ate today:
Breakfast: Chike vanilla protein shake made with skim milk (300 calories or so)
Mid-morning snack: EAS protein bar (230 calories)
Lunch: DiGiornio frozen pepperoni pizza, 200 calorie portion (but I ate both, so 400 calories)
Afternoon snacks: snack bag of Sun Chips (140), sugar-free pudding cup (60) and two mini Milky Way bars (I don't know, maybe 100?)
Late-afternoon snacks: whole banana and peanut butter (at least 300 calories) and a Skinny Cow vanilla ice cream sandwich (140)
Dinner: potato skins with ground pork and melted cheese topped with plain Greek yogurt (430-ish).
After Dinner: another Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (140)
After-After Dinner: Wendy's spicy chicken Go Wrap and a small chili with shredded cheese (probably 600 or so)
My calcium and omega-3 chews totaled 50 calories. I skipped the iron today.
It has been, by far, my worst day since surgery, food wise. I just couldn't stop eating. It is awful. I am going to see how tomorrow pans out; the protein shake is filling, as are the potato skins and the Wendy's meal. I think the rest amounts to slider foods, so I will try to avoid those non-filling calorie traps. The sad thing is, this is still less than what I would have had before surgery.
Hey, at least I got a ton of protein in today. :-/
Friday, July 16, 2010
Disappointed
It has a month plus a week or so since I had my surgery. I am down a net total of about 25 pounds (ten of those are from the pre-op diet). I am ravenously hungry all day long and can eat quite well (still not as "well" as I could beforehand), a lot more than I should be able to consume. 800 calories a day? Ha, not since I was on liquids. I probably did 2000 today, easily. I am hungry now, even. I don't know why I can eat so much. I have no restrictions, my sleeve hasn't met anything it won't tolerate. It isn't one of those cases of "oh, I *could* eat this, but I'd have to force it". No, when I say I can eat a lot, I mean I need to eat this much in order to stave off starvation. WTF?
Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have lost 25 pounds. That isn't easy, for anyone. But I don't expect to lose any more at this point. I just hope I don't gain any back.
I am so disappointed that I spent two months' salary for this. Money that I borrowed from my in-laws and will be paying back for the next couple of years, most likely.
Do I regret this surgery? Yes and no. Yes, because based on the experiences of hundreds of people far heavier than I was, I thought this would work. Yes, because I risked my life, more or less, to go to Mexico and have my insides cut open. Yes, because I wasted time and money that I will never get back. No, because hey, I did lose something. No, because (though I am out of test strips) my blood sugar levels have been decent. No, because I have been eating better and have become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth.
I would still recommend this surgery for anyone overweight and struggling. I realize that my experience is not typical. Most do quite well with this procedure. I guess my insulin resistance coupled with a large stomach to begin with doomed me from the start.
With all this said, I don't know if I will continue posting to this blog. If my situation changes or improves, I will update. But I'm not going to come here and just whine about my failure. There's no point. So see you on the flipside (maybe).
Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have lost 25 pounds. That isn't easy, for anyone. But I don't expect to lose any more at this point. I just hope I don't gain any back.
I am so disappointed that I spent two months' salary for this. Money that I borrowed from my in-laws and will be paying back for the next couple of years, most likely.
Do I regret this surgery? Yes and no. Yes, because based on the experiences of hundreds of people far heavier than I was, I thought this would work. Yes, because I risked my life, more or less, to go to Mexico and have my insides cut open. Yes, because I wasted time and money that I will never get back. No, because hey, I did lose something. No, because (though I am out of test strips) my blood sugar levels have been decent. No, because I have been eating better and have become more aware of what I am putting in my mouth.
I would still recommend this surgery for anyone overweight and struggling. I realize that my experience is not typical. Most do quite well with this procedure. I guess my insulin resistance coupled with a large stomach to begin with doomed me from the start.
With all this said, I don't know if I will continue posting to this blog. If my situation changes or improves, I will update. But I'm not going to come here and just whine about my failure. There's no point. So see you on the flipside (maybe).
Monday, July 5, 2010
How I Broke My Stall
My weight had been holding steady at 173-point-something for a good week or so. I was set to begin mushies tomorrow, but carefully began incorporating them (and other very soft solids) on Saturday, a few days early.
I don't feel like I progressed my nutrition plan too quickly; I managed the entire first two weeks after surgery on clear liquids and spent ten on full liquids.
I'm taking it as slowly as I possibly can and avoiding anything too dense. I'm in heaven with peanut butter, very ripe bananas, bits of mashed potatoes, applesauce, soft cheese, cream of wheat/oatmeal and finely mashed tuna salad.
The problem was, I was hungry! I was beginning to obssess about food and it was driving me insane. I stopped micromanaging my calorie intake and you know what? As soon as I allowed myself to consume more than 800-900 calories in a day, I broke my stall. I should have known better; if I was maintaining my pre-surgery weight with the nine zillion calories per day I was inhaling, it would only make sense that my metabolism would crawl into a hole and die on so very few calories post-op. I've shed another two pounds and my blood sugar has almost always been in the low-to-mid 100's.
I am open to the idea that some, if not all, of my "hunger" can be attributed to acid. I fully intend to start on Prilosec, probably tomorrow morning. I have about 14 pills of it left from before surgery and will start ordering it from Amazon on their subscription plan--the price works out to around six buck more per YEAR than my co-pay for the generic version--and no annoying extra trips to the doctor or pharmacy! Hell, my co-pay for one office visit is more than six bucks, so I'm actually saving money and precious time by ordering my PPI over the internet. Awesome.
I don't feel like I progressed my nutrition plan too quickly; I managed the entire first two weeks after surgery on clear liquids and spent ten on full liquids.
I'm taking it as slowly as I possibly can and avoiding anything too dense. I'm in heaven with peanut butter, very ripe bananas, bits of mashed potatoes, applesauce, soft cheese, cream of wheat/oatmeal and finely mashed tuna salad.
The problem was, I was hungry! I was beginning to obssess about food and it was driving me insane. I stopped micromanaging my calorie intake and you know what? As soon as I allowed myself to consume more than 800-900 calories in a day, I broke my stall. I should have known better; if I was maintaining my pre-surgery weight with the nine zillion calories per day I was inhaling, it would only make sense that my metabolism would crawl into a hole and die on so very few calories post-op. I've shed another two pounds and my blood sugar has almost always been in the low-to-mid 100's.
I am open to the idea that some, if not all, of my "hunger" can be attributed to acid. I fully intend to start on Prilosec, probably tomorrow morning. I have about 14 pills of it left from before surgery and will start ordering it from Amazon on their subscription plan--the price works out to around six buck more per YEAR than my co-pay for the generic version--and no annoying extra trips to the doctor or pharmacy! Hell, my co-pay for one office visit is more than six bucks, so I'm actually saving money and precious time by ordering my PPI over the internet. Awesome.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Withdrawal!
Ugh, I ran out of my beloved Chike protein powder. I've since placed an enormous order with my 25% off coupon, but it won't be here until some time Tuesday. I've been doing my best to choke down low carb Slimfast and other semi-rancid proteins. Most of what I have around my house, from my pre-op days, is utter crap. Low quality (ie the $18 garbage from Walmart that I used in frozen smoothies) or just plain rank (ie chocolate Isagenix or the plain GNC powder).
I'm finding that I am not really a fan of Greek yogurt either. The plain is alright, mixed in with tomato soup, but the flavored versions I've tried on their own just taste gross to me. I guess I was never a huge yogurt person to begin with. I will continue to use the plain in place of sour cream, but I will have to stick to regular yogurts (or none at all!) for snacking.
So now my full liquid diet isn't much fun anymore. I miss my Chike; why does shipping have to be sooo slow?
I also went on Amazon and ordered a tub of Click mocha espresso protein powder. There were a few negative reviews, but I rarely hear anything bad about that protein as far as taste/consistency. It was reasonably priced with the subscription (and free shipping), so I'm giving it a shot. If I don't like it it, I'll just cancel the subscription. I am (was) a major Starbucks freak, so hopefully this will tame my addiction, which I have not satisfied in like a month.
So I had a "moment" last night. I was starving (relatively speaking) when I got home from work last night. My loving husband had brought home a pizza from my favorite Vegas spot! Let me tell you, having spent the first 28 years of my life growing up in New York City, I am a major pizza snob! This one pizza joint out here--one out of the zillions I tried and threw out--is the only place that has the equivalent of decent NY pizza. It was one of my favorite indulgences pre-op.
So the husband brings home this pizza. By the time I got home, it was cold and mostly eaten. And at least it wasn't pepperoni and mushroom, my drug of choice. Then I would have had to kill him. It was grilled chicken and mushroom, which is not normally something I'd get on my pie. But it looked really friggin' good! So I did what any rational person would do-- I ate a slice. And before you freak out, let me say that by "eat a slice" I actually mean "shamefully chewed each bite and spit it out into the sink without swallowing". It isn't something I'd want to do again. How horrible is it to have that wonderful taste in your mouth and get no satisfaction from it? I know that someday I will be able to eat pizza again, even if it is only one slice (or half a slice, even). I will wait; it would have been just too damn easy to swallow one of those bites and destroy my insides!
I am really jonesing though. I've been having all kinds of food dreams lately. Really mundane stuff, like I had a vivid dream about eating buttered toast with an over-easy fried egg. Yummy. My hunger is definitely returning, with a vengeance. Don't get me wrong, it is nothing compared to my pre-op hunger, but it is still a bitch. The liquids just don't do it for me anymore and I can get in a lot of them. It will be great to start eating dense foods, not liquids or mush. Something that can fill me up and actually tastes good. I'll be good though and wait until I'm allowed to eat those things. It is a slippery slope, especially for someone like me who can down a 48oz porterhouse and ask for dessert (that really happened, and I had appetizers, soup and salad too).
I'm finding that I am not really a fan of Greek yogurt either. The plain is alright, mixed in with tomato soup, but the flavored versions I've tried on their own just taste gross to me. I guess I was never a huge yogurt person to begin with. I will continue to use the plain in place of sour cream, but I will have to stick to regular yogurts (or none at all!) for snacking.
So now my full liquid diet isn't much fun anymore. I miss my Chike; why does shipping have to be sooo slow?
I also went on Amazon and ordered a tub of Click mocha espresso protein powder. There were a few negative reviews, but I rarely hear anything bad about that protein as far as taste/consistency. It was reasonably priced with the subscription (and free shipping), so I'm giving it a shot. If I don't like it it, I'll just cancel the subscription. I am (was) a major Starbucks freak, so hopefully this will tame my addiction, which I have not satisfied in like a month.
So I had a "moment" last night. I was starving (relatively speaking) when I got home from work last night. My loving husband had brought home a pizza from my favorite Vegas spot! Let me tell you, having spent the first 28 years of my life growing up in New York City, I am a major pizza snob! This one pizza joint out here--one out of the zillions I tried and threw out--is the only place that has the equivalent of decent NY pizza. It was one of my favorite indulgences pre-op.
So the husband brings home this pizza. By the time I got home, it was cold and mostly eaten. And at least it wasn't pepperoni and mushroom, my drug of choice. Then I would have had to kill him. It was grilled chicken and mushroom, which is not normally something I'd get on my pie. But it looked really friggin' good! So I did what any rational person would do-- I ate a slice. And before you freak out, let me say that by "eat a slice" I actually mean "shamefully chewed each bite and spit it out into the sink without swallowing". It isn't something I'd want to do again. How horrible is it to have that wonderful taste in your mouth and get no satisfaction from it? I know that someday I will be able to eat pizza again, even if it is only one slice (or half a slice, even). I will wait; it would have been just too damn easy to swallow one of those bites and destroy my insides!
I am really jonesing though. I've been having all kinds of food dreams lately. Really mundane stuff, like I had a vivid dream about eating buttered toast with an over-easy fried egg. Yummy. My hunger is definitely returning, with a vengeance. Don't get me wrong, it is nothing compared to my pre-op hunger, but it is still a bitch. The liquids just don't do it for me anymore and I can get in a lot of them. It will be great to start eating dense foods, not liquids or mush. Something that can fill me up and actually tastes good. I'll be good though and wait until I'm allowed to eat those things. It is a slippery slope, especially for someone like me who can down a 48oz porterhouse and ask for dessert (that really happened, and I had appetizers, soup and salad too).
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